This is me. Caught somewhere between 30 and 40. It's been a while since I had a portrait made where I don't have small children hanging off my person. It's a rare even sometimes to step out from behind the camera. To be seen. To be ok with being infront of the lens and then hitting share. Sometimes is exhausting with babies that get up all the time, toddlers that really should, I never feel put together enough. Am I wearing make up? Did I wash my hair? will my clothes fit? Can I squeeze into one of the pairs of aspirational pants or should I just buy some new ones that fit and move on? But for a moment, all of me is there in this photo. Hopes and dreams for me, and for my children, my family. I stepped in front of the camera.
It's hard sometimes as a mother to feel like oneself beyond this new identify. Instantly and I belong to these little people and to the tribe of mothers. It takes some time. Babies, my mother tells me, actually don't see themselves as a separate entity after they are born. They are part of you, and you are part of them. Which is one of the most beautiful things I can imagine as I cradle and cuddle my baby at night. But when she walks on her own (which I'm sure will be very soon), I must still know who I am. She will see me. She will see how I model confidence. Self worth. How I make decisions, and how I chose to love myself. The things I wish for her, I must chose now for myself. When she no longer sees me as one in the same, and I will become her ever loving guide.
Copyright Julie Bennett Creative
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